Part One
Over the course of the next two years, after Latherian and I first met, Life rose in to a whirlwind of Beauty, Liberation, Sadness and fear continually in flux and never in time, opposite to a song. Tuesday evenings, Thursday nights and weekends seemed never to come quickly enough. Kept beyond the heavy inlaid bronze and wood conservatory doors The two and only possible escapes from the grayscale, unmoving system of life were contained, well protected and hidden from the other half of the braid of action called a life. What I kept so scared in my heart and looked to when there was no one and nothing else to turn to. The Conservatory was literally a home in all sense of the word: A place where family gathered, A standing structure where a family lived, A place of comfort or where one feels at ease and a place for one to retire to, a safe haven and sanctuary. These things, kept so bottled inside provided a reserve for the days when nothing worked, when nobody bothered to care. The days when the others called names and awful torments, when fighting back became useless and your head connected with the wall to render your mind dizzy and body weak. These we the kind of days, afternoons that could be called torture but were just regulation. When the floor became and your mind became the only refuge you had to hold on to, while being dragged towards an inanimate place, kicking in your ribs, and your pride, even harder when the next floor came connecting coldly with your legs. During the times that your bruised eyes burnt with the sting of silent and hidden tears, your lips were drenched in the blood from your lungs and all you could do was curl up against the harsh, critical walls and wish there was someone there to save you until the pain disappeared slowly behind a soft, caring curtain of black or the determination to scrape your broken self off the floor came. The thoughts of home, would come eventually and walk you through the beginning of winter, it’s harsh delicacy and it’s dead, brittle trees. These images and feelings of belonging managed somehow to carry your broken frame on to a train passing thirteen stations and questioning looks at each stop, questioning this state of beaten determination. Leaving the graying rot of city transports and running, finally so desperate to reach that sacred place, running to hide from society’s eyes while the tears left freely from my own and the wind thrashed at my invisible scars. Before expected, the bronze handles of the doors came wonderfully in to contrast with the palm of my shaking hand, and all thought breaks. The first thing that comes to mind once I take the first steps in to the majestic, Victorian building is that I’m finally safe from the outside world and all it’s cruelness that it possesses so well. As I made my way through the Victorian building, the smells of old paper and wood came to me, and provided me with much needed comfort and a sense of belonging as the steel doors of the lift carried me gently through seven floors like a weary student returning to an apartment complex, and when those steel framed doors came open again, I was greeted by a familiar face, the face of an angel.
‘ I’m glad you’’ The words were taken completely from his mind as he got the first good look at me and I didn’t blame him. my face was battered and bruised, my lips cut and blood under my fingers, a chaotic mess was the best way to describe my current self. ‘Oh my lord, what happened to you?’ He examined me with his soft green eyes, Not a hint of criticism in them at all, the only thing visible in those beautiful, jade pools was worry. I looked away from him, and felt comfortable with falling in to the chair beside him and coming loose in to a flood of quiet tears and endless depressions.
‘Latherian, you have no idea, no idea whosoever as to what these people are like at all It’s so circular, all the same negativities continue to follow me, no matter where I am, and forever .’ Inside myself I continued this, as I would never say such things aloud, I would never confess that the conservatory was the only place I ever felt safe. Wanted or needed. That all the warmth I received inside the womb of this place was completely worth the pains the universe outside the double copper doors of this haven consisted of were worth it, and much more. Latherian took up his long black hair and tied it back neatly, and left two signature rebel strands loose over his face.
‘You looks so broken, that’s all I can say. I hate these people; I hate them for what they do to you. What exactly did they do?’ It hurt much more than I dared to express at all, the last thing I wanted was to cause problems at all I just wanted to escape any issues and calm my stress.
‘Nothing too much, Just basic’ I was cut off by a sudden and violent fit of coughing that drove my hands to both sides of my body, to stop the shaking in my bruised ribs. Firmly trying to stay in that position, to gather air and attenuate the pain so that there were no issues and no overall distress, aside from my own state of worry was projected. The coughs continued, and soon the taste of blood came to me again, and quickly one of the hands holding my ribs shot to my lips to cover yet another sign of my pain and concern of my stresses, until eventually the coughing stopped and the pain subsided slightly.
‘What was that?’ I hid my left hand away swiftly from view to draw less attention to myself and bloody extremities.
‘Coughing fit…why?’ Latherian gave me a questioning look, than gazed at the floor. For a small moment, there was a small and compliant silence that sat like a cat in your lap, till suddenly it got irritated. The black haired boy beside me, roughly, but not to hurt took hold of my wrist and stared directly in to my eyes.
‘Open your hand’
‘Why?’
‘No, Sven please don’t’ When eventually I did open my hand, he just gasped at the amount of blood spread across my palm. My beautiful companion looked totally speechless, and I just watched him, not being able to tell whether he was in a state of distress, anger, confusion or sadness while he wallowed in whatever he might be feeling. I wanted to speak but nothing managed to come out of my mouth, I wanted more than anything to reassure him that everything was okay.
‘Latheri-’ My words got taken away as he took hold of my wrist a second time and began to run I tripped upwards and clumsily faded in to a following run through the hallway and down seven long flights of dirty, graffiti filled staircases. The only thing to do was follow without complaint and watching run for a certain cause, running for me. Wisps of his thin hair gradually came loose from the elastic bonding and swayed with the rhythm of his long legs hitting the ground, under the tails of a black coat. When we did exit the Victorian building the cold hit both of us and another session of frantic coughing hit me and the taste of blood soon renewed itself. We suddenly stopped running and Latherian turned towards me, at the sight of the new dark blood on my lips, his watery eyes threatened to spill over, but a graceful gesture wiped the potential tears away. It appeared as if he was on the verge of saying something, but decided against it and continued to run up the hilled road again. We continued to run through the crowds of people and occasionally dodging cars, all the while, not once did I question where I was being led at all, I just trusted, through the city and the streetlights until we stopped. The emergency room, early in the afternoon, in is medicated, overly reassured and sanitized place was completely deserted with the exception of ourselves and the nurse in the small desk.
‘Excuse me sir, I think that he’s seriously injured and needs to be seen by someone” Latherian referred to me and looked back at the male nurse who seemed overly disinterested.
‘You do realize that this isn’t a children’s hospital, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I realize this but it’s rather difficult to-‘
‘Then what are you doing here?’ Latherian again, Lifted a graceful had to prevent another pain to his inflamed sinuses, out of stress.
‘Sir, I don’t think you quite understand the urgency of the situation, this needs to be dealt with rather qu’
‘I’m sorry, we’re really not equipped to deal with things like thi-“I could only watch the intense dealing of words, occasionally letting in a sharp breath accompanied by pain and watching my companion’s infuriated beauty. Latherian turned away from the desk and shook his head in sheer frustration and disbelief. His right hand balled slowly in to a fist while he sighed and closed his eyes. Suddenly, they flew open and a wide turn of face and curtain of hair he cried at the man behind the desk, letting his tears finally fall freely.
‘Don’t you understand, you useless piece of junk, His life and career are at stake here! What are you doing in the first place? Why don’t you start by getting the getting up and finding someone competent?’ At that point I felt the incredibly strong urge to cry as well seeing how much he cared for me, was it that much?
‘Sir, If you’re really insisting, we’ll run some tests and see if we can be of any help.’ Latherian looked at the man and seemed to be touched by the breaking of will, given his small teary smile.
‘Thank you’ that was the last of Latherian that I heard before the nurse sent me to be tested.
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, was blinding white halogen lights across a white ceiling and room. Now that the picture was gradually beginning lose
its blur, and the next things I saw came as an extreme sense of comfort and deflation of the fright and unawareness that came in strong waves.
‘Jenna, Latherian where am I?’
I shot straight up out of whatever I occupied and in a panic reached out my hands frantically to grasp on to whatever I could. I felt as if I had woken from an awful and terrifying nightmare, with a cold sweat covering my body and no awareness whatsoever as to what is fiction or reality at all. Suddenly, as I was in the middle of recollecting myself, I felt Jenna’s hands touch to my own, and pull me in to a tight embrace.
‘Oh shit, I was so worried about you. What the hell happened to you? Oh lord, the hospital called me the second you passed out and after that Latherian filled me on everything leading up to that, and I thought I should add that you’ve been completely out twenty minutes’ I was completely shocked to find that I had been unconscious for that long, nonetheless, her worry gave me an overwhelming sense of belonging that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
‘What exactly…Happened to me?’ I asked hesitantly, still slightly shaking from the lack of consciousness and over gain of fright, also thinking it would be nice to know why exactly I’m in my current condition.
‘Well,’ the nurse began to add ‘We wanted to take your oxygen so we drew blood, but seeing as you’re apparently fearful of needles, you passed out while we were taking blood from you’ He explained, while providing me with a Styrofoam cup of water, to refresh the dryness of my throat.
‘We found out, though the tests, that some of your ribs are just slightly bruised and that you have a collapsed lung, so I guess you’ll have to take it easy for the next few days.’ Latherian added in, providing almost all the information needed.
‘Can I sing?’ The room, the moment I spoke, took on an air of tight lipped seriousness, almost like a bad sales meeting.
‘Well,’ Jenna added in, she looked like she meant well, but she always looked that way ‘There is good and something I think you won’t like as much, so I’ll let you decide what you would rather hear first,” She stopped, but nonetheless, her index finger continued to trace circles and figure eights on the table. ‘But I’ll suggest the bad news first’ her voice gradually trailed off and quiet pattering footsteps were heard, coming down the hall. Curious was the most prominent emotion that I had at the moment, as the nurse hesitantly walked in
With a small machine and accompanying plastic mask.
‘I have the Oxygen’ the chestnut haired man said hesitantly and slowly, as if he was nervous to tread in to our conversation.
‘Good,’ she sighed and carefully placed the mask to my mouth and nose. ‘We need him singing as soon as possible.’ I completely stopped focusing on my breathing and almost threw the mask to the floor. Panic and hyperventilation overtook me, as a sensation of disbelief, and I was almost sure I was going to pass out. I believed that Jenna saw my discomfort, and took my had
‘Don’t panic, everything is under control, you just can’t strain your breath for awhile that’s all and once you have that re-established, something special happens.’ She looked plainly devilish, while she continued to trace shapes on the surface of the plywood. ‘I did tell you about the Advance program, right,” I briefly nodded, and let her continue, hoping that for once, there was some good news to be heard. ‘And that there were video submissions available. Anyway, I kind of sort of entered you without asking at all, and I have the results with me now. I figured you’d want to open them first’ I wanted to scream, out of sheer nervous energy. What if I was accepted? What if I was rejected horribly? But imagining all of the advantages that could come with being accepted in to this program would be endless and so, so wonderful, for what I am now, and what I could become. As I took the envelope from Jenna my hands became clammy and my breath shallow, slowly and with caution I undid the seal on the white paper and peered so check if there even was a paper inside. Slipping the document out of it’s this protection, my hands were shaking on such a level that the paper came out of my hands and fell on to the floor, unfolded and small. It seemed so bare with about six lines and an introduction.
Dearest Participant and Legal Guardian
We are very, very proud and happy to welcome you to the Versailles Conservatory Advance program. In the following weeks, your teacher, Jenna Anderson will be organizing with his or her other students, to be transferred to other teachers and your legal guardian, Jenna Anderson, will be arranging your permanent school leave and eventual acquisition of an agent.
We are pleased to welcome you to the program.
‘Oh my god’ I couldn’t talk much, if at all just because of the shock, A shock that cleared all the words from my mind. Latherian looked up from the floor and his brilliant green eyes gleamed like gems, like the shine of the future.
‘What does it say?’ I could not manage to think of a coherent sentence whatsoever, with the small exception of ‘oh my god’ but the rest of the room seemed to have a decent comprehension of that, seeing as a small
‘Read it’ Sufficed as an answer. He opened the tinted paper, and briefly scanned its content, afterwards, handing it back to Jenna, who replaced it carefully in to the folded paper.
‘When you manage to process an answer, tell me, I’d rather you say it.’ She sighed, like she had done many times that afternoon and sat back in her the stiff plastic chairs of the assessment room. It took at least five minutes of me just breathing in and out of the mask, to properly calm myself and focus on making a proper reply. After building tension on myself and everyone else in the room, I finally let out a small and dry squeak.
‘I was accepted.’
‘What?’
‘Yeah, I got in’ Jenna went completely slack and dropped her purse, with a loud spill, it hit the floor, but it didn’t look like she cared, it looked like she was about to cry At the end of today, with all the buildup of positive and negative attention the three of us were worn out and excited.
“Oh lord” Latherian’s response to the topic at hand was small, nonetheless, opened up another world of conversation for our trio.
“I am so fucking happy for you, finally!’ She was totally and obviously ecstatic for me and herself as well, I couldn’t even believe it; after all of the suffering I had gone through at that awful school I had been finally rewarded, in all of the best ways possible Tonight felt so different from any gratification I had ever experienced, This night wasn’t about worrying about how much homework there was or how many classes left to bring up my average, not even about deciding when It was safe to leave the school tomorrow. This is the gradual phase when the butterfly first discovers it’s wings after emerging from the chrysalis it takes so long developing in, and flies far, away. The evening soon faded in to and explosive celebration, marking the beginning of a new life for myself and everyone around me as well. The year that all of the circular things stopped mattering, after feeling scrutinized and alone with the death of my parents, I finally managed to form a new life around a solid base and purpose to aspire to. The two people with me now, as I stare out in to the night, Jenna and Latherian have helped me so much and given me a new outlook, showing me that my dreams can be reached.
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drained
morose
pessimistic
angry
ecstatic
content
scared